We all like to think our children are perfect. But really, deep down we know they are not. They need discipline & direction and they do things that can make us annoyed, angry etc. However, I have always taken comfort in knowing that these things can be worked on and changed.
But....when this imperfection is something that you feel is just beyond your control it can leave a mother feeling helpless.
We discovered today that our little offspring of perfection has a peanut allergy. Now it's something we have suspected for awhile now, only to have it confirmed by a specialist.
Which leads me to my initial (and continuing...) feeling. Guilt. That's right....Guilt with a capital G. Every parent has experienced it. It's starts soon after the stick tells you positive and never stops. And honestly, this is the worst I have ever experienced it. The questions are endless.....
did I nurse her long enough? was she over-exposed to peanut butter? will I turn into one of the those crazed-overprotective parents that no one wants to be around? will other people take her allergy seriously? will I always remember to carry the epi-pen? will I get negative reactions to trying alternative medicines? will I be so afraid of her being hurt that I don't let her live? am I blowing this WAY out of proportion? (can I get a resounding chorus of: "YES" to that last one!)
And yet tonight, as I rocked Lucy to sleep (for a special little treat as we had both had quite the day) with all these crazy thoughts and questions swirling around in my brain....I found a little peace. Looking back on her little life so far, I certainly was not a perfect parent. But, I always did what I thought was best at that moment in time. And really, waht else can you do?
So, I am going to TRY to just have a little faith and know that she will be just fine.
